Skyline. 2010.

I sat down to watch this knowing that it wouldn't be the best movie i had ever seen. Very rarely does Hollywood crank out a sci-fi flick where they don't rely heavily on visual effects to make you forget about the forgettable acting, the ridiculous choice trees of the characters, or the complete lack of follow through of the screenplay.

this is one of those films.

here's the synopsis that imdb.com has for this movie.

sounds pretty ok, right?

here's mine.

Jarrod and his pregnant girlfriend Elaine (you find out about halfway through the movie, although it's not clear how far along she is or why it matters) come to LA from NY to visit a great friend of his. He's really successful and rich...and appears to live his life as a rapper...or a mogul...or a crook. point is- he is rich!! and has a nice penthouse overlooking the city. As you can imagine this will be important later for the horrific wide shot of shit going down. He has a party and it's there you meet his wife (Candice) and his "assistant."(Denise) You know right away that he is totally into her...and yes- that's what I mean. You also meet the classic LA douche bag, Ray. You wonder why he is even around...until roughly 4 a.m. that is.
So here we are- everyone is asleep and then, through the blinds, there appears a blue light. Eerie blue light. the kind of light that makes you sit up, get out of bed, and open the blinds. but before far too curious Jarrod has a chance to do this he hears screams from the front room. He runs to their aid to find that Ray is gone . Well shit- that is when we find out why Ray is in this movie. He illustrates why this funky light is not something you want to be in. He gets drawn to the large windows. slides one open (all the while his veins are darkening...eyes turning milky, blah blah- all the shit you come to expect from alien movies)

your Clinique regime is fucked.

and then boom! he's sucked out of the window. Now Jarrod finds himself face to face with this light. His skin and eyes start doing that "crazy alien bullshit is happening outside again" thing and then...

the screen goes black and we are treated to 3 bullshit words on the screen

15 hours earlier.

Are you fucking kidding me! things just started to move. Now I have to sit and watch Jarrod and Elaine get off a plane and get picked up in a limo. The only reason there is ANY reason to completely stop all of the action and go back to 15 hours earlier is so you can see Elaine stand up from her seat and then almost puke because of "nausea." Jesus- she should have just look straight at us and said- "I'm pregnant!" remember this- it becomes important later!! Except...it isn't.

After we slog through another 15 minutes we meet a new character, Oliver. He appears to be the hotel manager and the only one who wonders why he is in this movie.

Shit- where was I? oh right. Jarrod. blue light. Unlike Ray, everyone seems to like Jarrod because when he gets taken over by the light all these people then grab him and get the windows covered. You learn that being out of the light is a good thing if you don't want to get sucked out into the LA night. He feels better and by this point it is officially daytime. The head of the household, Terry, decides the best thing to do it to go to the roof and take some pictures. Right. seems like a great idea- what could happen? Oh- yeah. he also has a gun. (and everyone is outrageously shocked) I mean- of course he does. Jarrod decides that he should go with him and off they go to watch thousands of their fellow Angelenos get sucked up Hoover style into these large alien ships. They get spotted by smaller scout ships and then hilarity ensues while they run along the roof and get back inside.

Wheee!

It's here that my favorite scene occurs. They are all resting up from fun time up top and Candice decides to look through the pictures. Not only does she find a whole bunch of crazy alien shit she finds photos from when Terry and Denise were last hooking it up. I don't know about you but I don't think its necessarily the best time to bring up and become angry about your husbands infidelity when there are aliens outside kicking the shit out of the humans race.

So that happened!

Then they decide getting on a boat is the best course of action. This is where the screenwriter outs himself as being from LA. To think that an alien race would come to Earth and decide to only suck up the people from LA is so...well- its so LA. arrogant jerks!

As you can imagine- they don't even get out of the garage. Denise meets her demise via large alien foot and we say farewell to adulterer Terry who gets sucked into an alien hand.




It is in this sequence that you find out what they want - our brains. turns out this highly advanced alien race uses up brains like a kids toys uses double A's. When the brain is empty- they simply take it out and then grab another in the pile. Its here in the middle where you also see glimpses of Jarrod trying to hide the fact that the same creepy vein shit that happened to him in the light is still happening. You never find out why he is so special! NEVER!

Remember Oliver? turns out he is not just a manager of a hotel. turns out he is a man of stone. You don't really know why but when everyone else is either catatonic or weeping like children he is Mr. fucking let's go . he gets them all jazzed about getting out of the condo and then gets then to go to the roof. wait- what? the roof? yep. why they thought the roof was the best course of action i will not know because it all goes to shit after that...well, deeper shit. Candice bites it. Oliver bites it (back in the condo mind you) and then Jarrod and Elaine get sucked up to one of the main ships.

As they are being vacuumed upward in what I assume is the equivalent of tornado force winds they are able to not only hold hands but they are able to kiss...how sweet.

This is where you think the movie will end. This is where you wanted the movie to end once you've seen the ending.

Now we are treated to the inside of the ship where all of the humans are writhing in what appears to be a large pit full of tar. Jarrod is picked up and gets his brains separated from the rest of his body and his carcass thrown out. Elaine is not pleased and attempts to run...doesn't matter where to. At this point I want her to die so i can turn the TV off.

You find out that Jarrod's brain is special. His brain is red whereas all of the other brains are a nice baby blue. Why? apparently doesn't matter. This brain then gets implanted to what looks like a large alien gorilla and it seems to take over this gorillas body. Then new Jarrod finds Elaine and begins to protect her from the other alien gorillas. yep. you read that right.

This final scene actually made me laugh aloud.


what i learned.
1. if you see this...



it's not going to be a good day.

2. don't live in LA.


can you miss this movie? yes. yes you can.